I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
