fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
