And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
