last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
