she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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