I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
