Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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