Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
