Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sacagawea was the original milf.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
