two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
