I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Boobs speak an international language.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
