I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
