It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
