I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
