my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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