He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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