My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
