i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you will always have a special place in my vag
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
