I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
