My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
