I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize