I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize