how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
