The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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