I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize