She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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