I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
