Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
