Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
