I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
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