I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
