I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
