Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm like, not good at living.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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