paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
