Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
