Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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