Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
