her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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