Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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