This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
