I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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