i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
