Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
