Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
