I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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