Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
