My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
