If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
