Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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