Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
