A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
how drunk are you?
Several
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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