Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
