Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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