you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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