I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
