I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
