My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Alive.
So much puke
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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