What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
