I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
