Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
