1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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