Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
