I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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