my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
