he shaved USA in his pubs
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize