Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
false alarm, still single
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