Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
In America we eat man semen.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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