Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
